Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
