Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
