we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
