Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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