Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
