i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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