remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
