Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
