My hand turned me down
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize