you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize