Just cropdusted the office
i love accidental penises.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
