Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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