I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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