She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She told me I should be a condom model.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
