I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We talked him into tasing himself.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
