It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm sobbing to NWA
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
