Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
