I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
