ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
