well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
