No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
