Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is it because I queefed?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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