remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
