well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Mom said you looked used
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
