I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
