I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize