I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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