before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
