OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
