How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize