saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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