Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
