Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
