i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
