i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
