i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
