**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
