phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
