Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
