Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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