First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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