apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
