oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
