I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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