do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
pop tarts are not kleenex
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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