just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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