so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
