Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
