Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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