Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
