This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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