oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
