I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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