What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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