It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
