if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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