We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
