this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
