oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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